A year ago I wrote a post called Christmas Melancholy. I looked it up again today . I just wanted to see if there has been any change in my feeling about the season. There is none. The blues struck hard this morning.
I rose early , made my coffee and set out for Signal Hill. There were two reasons to go there. The first was I wanted to see where the sun rose on the first day of winter. And the second was if there was to be a Mayan apocalyptic event I wanted a front row seat. The latter was not the most important . But while I was sitting on the hill I listened to the local radio announcers give this non news event undeserving air time. Go figure.
And the sunrise? It was very unspectacular. One would think that in view of the hype surrounding the day there would be at least a solar extravaganza. I was out of luck. It was the grayest, dullest, most uneventful dawn I have witnessed among all the mornings I have gone to the hill this past year. Normally I would get some pleasure out of even the flat colourlessness of a predawn seascape . I would marvel at the gray, blue- gray, black and silver lustre of a calm sea. But not today. After all it is almost Christmas. I don’t do Christmas well.
It is a part of who I am that I have the blues at this time of the year. So I choose today to wallow. That is why I am writing. I have to get it out of my system. I have to mourn the friends and family that are not here any more. I must cleanse my mind of the thoughtlessness and yes hurtfulness of people who are or have been a part of my life . I must turn off CBC, CNN, CTV ….Some news events are just too much to bear and the “joyful season” makes them that much more poignant.
I will make my mind put everything negative aside.
I will listen to Christmas carols, see friends, kiss my grandchildren , drink a glass of wine or two, turn on the fireplace channel and put aside all the world events that can disturb my peace. And just in case it works, I will send out happy thoughts to all of you.