I am not anorexic. At least not on earth am I anorexic. Maybe on Brobdingnag I would be considered such. But here on this planet I could not step on the threshold of Skinnydom much less enter the doorway.
I am prepared to accept that it is not natural for me to be thin. I have always had a little meat on my bones, been “healthy” , well rounded, stocky, solid, ,plus, queen, voluptuous,hefty, and yes, fat. Why is it that the littlest word “fat” delivers the greatest punch. Isn’t it the most disturbing, insulting, downright crushing three letter combination in the dictionary. I understand why we resort to euphemisms.
Unfortunately, I live a euphemistic life. I’ve become so accustomed to avoiding that “f ” word that I can no longer see the residue of chocolate, jigg’s dinners, pastries , stews, and cheeses that pad my torso. I have made my mirrors my friends. They feed me the image I want to see or at least an approximation of the image I would like to be. I call it reverse anorexia. From what I understand a person with anorexia looks in a mirror and sees a fat person even though the bones may be visible under the skin. I , on the other hand, see a pleasingly proportioned person. Not thin , now mind you, but someone you can hold on to. Sometimes I may see a little bulge here or there but it is never, I say NEVER, the size that accosts me when I look at a picture of myself.
This afternoon I had a couple of friends in to celebrate a birthday. We had curry chicken, rice, candied carrots and for dessert a birthday cake. I felt WONDERFUL. I was wearing a comfortable outfit that fit me loosely . There is nothing like having loose clothes when you are of princess or queenly size.
The time came to bring in the cake. I arranged for my daughter to be present with her camera to take a few pictures . I put the candles on the cake,lit them and walked in the room singing Happy Birthday. The others , my daughter and one of my friends , joined in. The camera flashed. Candles were blown out. The cake was cut and we had our tea and stuffed ourselves with the gooey sweetness. All in all it was a lovely affair.
Eventually the day ended with warm embraces, thank yous, best wishes and sighs of happiness.
All was well. I felt good. My friends had enjoyed themselves and we had celebrated a significant milestone in a worthwhile fashion.
In less than an hour the pictures were in my email. Digital photography is fabulous! No wait time at all anymore.
My good feeling deflated like the air of a pricked birthday balloon. Who was that blimp carrying the cake? I couldn’t even recognize myself. The height and width were the same! There was nothing curvaceous or voluptuous about me. Once you passed the double chins my silhouette was two straight lines from shoulder to floor.
There was no way that picture was going to stay like that.
God bless photo cropping.
I trimmed my self down to nothingness, the fastest diet on the planet. Now what you see is two hands holding out a cake while the birthday girl looks on in surprise.
My task for tomorrow is to have a long talk with my mirrors and find out why they lie to me. If I stare long enough perhaps they will yield up my true physical image.