Everything is going south. My chin is resting on my chest. My stomach is lifting my breasts. And everything beneath my tummy is hidden till you get to the knees. With some manoeuvering I can still see them. Thank good fortune I live at a time when clothing engineers have come up with underwear that can redesign my natural landscape. This fall I decided to take full advantage of one of the shops that provide the assessment of and solution to the problems of sag and drag. I went to the Boobie Trap. Isn’t that a catchy name? This little boutique on Duckworth St in St. John’s, Newfoundland has the most beautiful and most expensive underwear that a middle class senior like me would even think of buying. But it is well worth it.
I decided I would get fitted. A young saleslady took my measurements and didn’t bat an eyelash when she added an extension to the measuring tape . Nor did she when the letter of the alphabet was closer to Z than A. Bless her everloving heart!
She went to the back room, only the little cup sizes were on display in the shop, and brought me three beautiful bras to try on. She was very discreet and pulled the curtain allowing me the privacy to put one on myself. I fastened the back at the front. Whew! It was tight! Then I pulled and twisted to bring the cups to the front where they belonged , pulled up the straps , pushed my wings into the side of the cups, poked my hand down the front to make a cleavage and to ensure the centre rested flat on my chest wall.
The saleslady returned and made a further adjustment to ensure all remaining body tissue was where it should be and then asked me to take a good look in the mirror.
Believe you me, I was amazed!
My breasts were magnificent! No kidding! They were high, separate, and perky looking for the first time in twenty five years. It reminded me of the poem High Flight or E J Pratt’s Seagulls. I had slipped the surly bonds of earth and there was indeed a lift and carriage of my wings and the attached breasts. A ripple effect followed. All ripples underneath were pulled up. I dare say that Oprah would have paid me to display that body makeover.
I was sold on that bra. Or rather, the bra was sold from that moment on.
Later when I modelled it for my daughter she agreed that magnificent was indeed an apt description.
If you want to feel like a million dollars , try a fitting at a good bra shop. Be prepared to part with at least one hundred dollars if you are being economical . Or be really good to yourself and approach the two hundred dollar level. Then you will outdo magnificent and become heavenly.
To conclude, every senior citizen deserves a lift . We have the Boobie Trap for the ladies. How about a Jewel Case for the men? There’s a name now for some entrepreneur.